I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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