Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
how drunk are you?
Several
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
