anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
