new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
