she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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