he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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