I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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