Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
