I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
