i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
