I think my fart just growled at me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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