So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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