The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
