Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
