i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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