3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
