just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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