if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
