it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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