Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
