My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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