apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
