walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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