sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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