I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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