So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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