I'm lost and stupid without you.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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