Apparently you make a good broom.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize