i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
