her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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