hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
