worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
