Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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