I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
