So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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