I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
