OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
