you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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