I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
