don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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