he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
