so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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