i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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