Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize