he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
