You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize