Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
