what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
