I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
