its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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