you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize