So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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