Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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