I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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