Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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