I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
