I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
