My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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