I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
