you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
