So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
