I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
