This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
