I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
