Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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